I know I promised to publish on the 8th of every month, but life sometimes just gets in the way. Please forgive my tardiness.
I made it to the gym yesterday, weighed in, joined the other Elaine, my gym partner, already on a treadmill, and I broke into tears.
I am an emotional mess. The woman I love dearly doesn't want to talk with me or have me in her life. My mom and family are extreme homophobes and plan to disinherite me from a fortune they didn't earn themselves (the money was inherited from my mom's single brother who I know would be very upset with the way they are treating me because he loved me and lavished gifts on me as a child) and my mom made a lot of money with my investment program I wrote as a young computer programmer..
Anyways, so here I am real poor and alone feeling sorry for myself. I stopped eating and my weight this month dropped down to 242 lbs, but then the binge eating of restaurant food started up again and my weight as of April 11, 2016 was officially 247 lbs.
I decided that I would prefer to be poor and in peace and proud of who I really am than tolerate snide remarks from family.
For me, being my real self means accepting who I am and when I am ok in my head and heart the excess weight comes off with almost no effort. My excess weight, for me, is a symptom of how ugly others have made me feel about myself simply because my life doesn't suit their definition of what my life should look like.
Sincerely,
Elaine
