When I look in the mirror, that's not me!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  I've heard that saying so many times.  Heck, I've SAID it so many times.  It's cliche and redundant, I know!  You don't know me yet, but you will! 
Background Info on me!
I've been dieting my whole life.  I look back at old journals when a 12 yr old me was tracking what I would eat in a day, and how much exercise I would get, and my weight, 105 lbs.  I thought I was fat!  I was maybe 5 to 10 lbs bigger than the other girls, and I thougtht I was fat.  At age 15, I thought I was fat at 145 lbs.  I see those pics of myself then, and I was so pretty.  I had tiny little chicken legs and slender arms, and a tiny pooch for a tummy.  I didn't really start gaining weight until I got a steady boyfriend.  I was a freshman, he was a senior and skinny as a rail.  He would eat a King size Reese's Cup and Dr. Pepper, so I thought I could too.  Unfortunately, he could metabolize it, and I couldn't!! By the time I started college, I was 220 lbs.  He left me for my best friend, they got married and had kids, and I wish them the best.  He was not the man for me.  However, I  didn't lose that weight after he left, but I DID maintain for 4 years. Until I got into another serious relationship. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years now.  He is not a skinny guy, he's probably gained 40 lbs in the last 7 years; whereas, I've gained about 115 lbs.  I'm lucky.  I know he loves me.  He is a good man, faithful and honest.  But, I know he wants me to lose weight for my health, and so he can have a HOT girl on his arm.  I want those things too!  We broke up for 4 months right after year three and I moved in with my parents.  I managed to lose about 40 lbs, but I gained it back and then some in the past 4 years. 
My Vices!!
I LOVE to eat. I LOVE to eat fried food, greasy food, sweets, bread, ice cream, anything bad you can imagine, I LOVE it. 
Good Substitutes!!!
I have found a few things I like, that aren't so bad.  Like, I've started eating Andy Capp's Hot Fries.  You can have 50 of them for only 120 calories and 4 g of fat!!  That's much better than chips! And for sweets, 25 Reese's Pieces are only 95 calories and 4.5 g of fat! That's much better than Swiss cake rolls, and candy bars! 
Today
 So, today is my first day... I actually did it! I went for a walk!.. This morning I took my son to school and then I clocked in the car from the end of my driveway, down the street and back and figured out a 1/2 mile walk.  I didn't get to it first thing this morning.  I went back to sleep.  But, I DID get up and do it around 12:30.  My legs burned, my left hip in the butt burned.. I walked as hard as I could and still be able to talk.. I was just slightly out of breath by the time I got back.  Did I mention, I HATE WALKING!!! But, I did it!! It only took me 10 mins to walk 1/2 mile.  That surprised me.  I know I should have walked 30 mins... but it's my first day, and I'm so out of shape that it's a pain trying to bend over and tie my shoes.  I'm about to go try some yoga poses, and I'll post how that turned out later.
Philisophical
I don't know how I got this way.  I don't know how I LET myself get this way.  I feel ashamed, embarrassed and stupid.  I'm a bright girl, I'm smart, I could be very beautiful.. and it's like I'd rather have the pleasure and laziness of eating a bag of chips and watching tv, than eating an apple and playing outside.  I was only thinking about the NOW.. I never thought about what the NOW was doing to my body, and how much I'd have to pay for it LATER.

Wish me luck everyone... I PRAY and PRAY that I can do it this time.  I need all the help/support that I can get!!